this was written and assembled on unceded Wurundjeri Country. the knowledge i have received from living on Country and the lessons i have learned from those who care for it has informed my relationship with slowness and awareness.
in order, this piece contains music from Wata Igarashi (WIP01), Ben Bondy (Suelti), Malibu (Nana, Like A Star Made For Me), Pendant (VVQ-SSJ), Other Joe (A Walk In The Zone), Imaginary Softwoods (Peridot II), and e fishpool (mayanda continuous)
press the 'load mix' button above, and when the sound starts, scroll to navigate the work. i encourage you to go as slowly as you are able.
Every night I sit with pen and paper and try to make sense of my feelings. I used to write to try and make sense of my thoughts, before realising that they rarely make sense and only emerge from the bedrock of my sensory experience. They ricochet off the walls of my psyche and lodge themselves in my consciousness. I let them rest and try to observe their roots instead.
i try to calm myself
i inhale
1
feel the air on the tips of your nostrils
(s.n goenka voice)
2
3
4
i pause
I sit down to write this work and the words do not come. A dozen ideas occur at once and they all feel worthless. I close my eyes and the world tumbles over itself again and again.
My breath is almost always shallow unless I attend to it. I saw a post recently from a Stanford professor talking about how doing two full, deep inhalations through the nose followed by a complete exhalation through the mouth is the most powerful parasympathetic nervous system activator humans can do. I don’t really know what any of that means, but I sigh more when I’m stressed now.
everything rises
1
i sit in that space
2
3
what does it feel like?
4
I find a drowsy haze, close to sleep. The world tumbles more slowly. The sensation of my chest bursting out of my skin settles. I fold forward.
i exhale
1
what does it feel like?
2
3
4
all the way out
I sit in a moment of temporary quiet. All things come in to focus. I can look inward. I feel for texture, for shape, for weight.
i inhale
1
2
3
4
all things come to a momentary rest
the storm will pass
and it will return again
it must be witnessed to subside
how many breaths did you recognise today?
was there one?
can you feel every sense at once?
is that preferable?